I want to share with y’all an internal struggle I’m having with A Quest for Love. It isn’t the fact that I’m exposing my feelings on a topic that is very personal and intense. Rather, I can’t decide whether or not I want to write in first person or third person. I’ve tried both and find that I like each for different posts. I guess what I’m trying to tell you, loyal readers, is to get comfortable with inconsistency. Today’s post is in 1st person.
Recently, a trip to Vegas happened. My dear friend, Marisa, celebrated her 30th birthday and our little clan of cronies hopped on a plane and headed to Sin City for a few days. Since most of us have left our jobs at the Fruit Stand, it’s not very common for us all to be together like we used to be at work everyday. This is a special treat on top of celebrating Marisa.
Upon arrival to SFO, I happened to come upon part of our troupe and immediately felt immense happiness. In true Vegas style, we got a shot at the airport bar. We’re starting off this adventure in the best way possible. It felt like no time had passed at all; that we had only seen each other yesterday. Arriving in Vegas, we got to meet up with the rest of our group. While most went off to dinner, I spiked and adventured towards the Bellagio Hotel. I was going to see Cirque du Soleil’s O. I’ve always had a fascination with Cirque du Soleil. My parents took me to the traveling shows whenever they came through Southern California, and I’ve always been mesmerized by the pageantry and fanfare of it all. It’s truly a spectacle. Those French Canadians really create something special when they put on a Cirque show. I was ecstatic to see O. I haven’t really been to Las Vegas before. I remember being there when I was very young with my family, but Marisa’s birthday trip was the first time for me as an adult. I have had this need to see O since I watched a preview of it when it was about to debut in 1998. The Bellagio Hotel crafted a performance arena specifically for this show, including a 1.5 million gallon pool of water. I mean, that’s ridiculous. This show is out of this world and while it brought out these feelings of happiness and amazement, it also provided a tinge of sadness within myself.
Growing up, I wanted to be a singer in Cirque du Soleil.
It was my dream. While in the musical theatre circuit as a youth, I knew that I truly wanted to be in a ridiculous costume with insane athletes performing with my music as the soundtrack. Even though most Cirque shows are sung in a made-up language, the music is so intensely beautiful that a listener can’t help but feel the emotion permeating through their ears, and as a former performer, I couldn’t help but close my eyes and see myself on stage.
Alegría is the show that really hit it home for me. Check out the title track below.
Alright, well, where does LOVE come in? I am a huge fan of Cirque du Soleil. Does that mean I LOVE Cirque du Soleil? I know in the moments I was watching O this past weekend I felt immense joy and happiness. Does the sadness of not ever having been in Cirque du Soleil also mean that I LOVE it?
Is it a LOVE for a piece of art? An experience? A lost dream? After Cirque, I met up with the rest of the crew and headed to Drink and Drag. We’re all together, dancing our asses off, drinking alcohol like water, and partying to a backdrop of drag queens and go-go boys. The gay beat was pumping hard. I always say that all homosexuals will die if their isn’t a gay beat happening in the world at all times. If this doesn’t sound like heaven, then I don’t know what does. Have you ever had one of those moments when all forces seem to align? When you can’t help but explode with energy and happiness? When all you can do is smile?
I had one of those moments.
The song was Jennifer Lopez’s “Dance Again.” I don’t care for her and this music isn’t quite hipster enough for me, normally. This scenario, though… it was perfection.
People who I care for and admire deeply + a good gay beat + intoxication + drag queens and half-naked men = heaven. Is that LOVE or the alcohol talking? Was the sensationalism of the situation a contribution for a potential feeling of LOVE? Was it that my cronies I had finally been together after too long having this experience together LOVE? Do I have a newfound LOVEfor Jennifer Lopez? Hell, is it all of these things wrapped together?