I’m on a quest to figure out love. I’m hilarious, right? I have no idea really where to go with this post. I was shown a video about vulnerability, and it rocked me.
Crazy, right? I posed questions via social media about vulnerability just like Brené did, and I got some really great answers. It’s quite fascinating. Many people “liked” my post in which I posed the questions, “How would you define vulnerability? What makes you feel vulnerable?” I was surprised with the amount of likes and the lack of actual answers.
One answer consisted of “weakness” and another “strength.”
My high school Scripture teacher who I adore answered,
Vulnerability is the prerequisite for courage. Courage is not the absence of fear. It is the willingness to face the potential for death to one way of life so that another may arise.
A former co-worker replied,
Being in love. I feel like that’s the ultimate vulnerability.
My dear friend Rob said something along the lines of
Vulnerability is the condition of being ABLE to be affected by something.
OK, those all sound fine to me, but nothing really quite fit for me except for Brené Brown talking about vulnerability being the foundation of sorts for all things good and bad. I can deal with that for now.
I got to thinking though about love, and how it stems from vulnerability. Sort of a 1 2 punch, if you will. Being vulnerable to love will allow you to feel love and be loved, theoretically.
DISCLAIMER! I am NOT only talking about romantic love here. This is a quest for all types of love. Without trying to make this sound like a pity party, I’m not sure I’ve ever felt love. My family isn’t a family that says the word “love” to each other. Any sort of relationship has gone to the wayside and love was never mentioned. I have had moments where I think I felt love, but retrospectively I can’t say I was right in saying or receiving the words, “I love you.”
I’m on my quest for love. Here is a journal entry I wrote about love about a month ago, when my mind started to race.
“Love is fucked up. Well, let me rephrase that. Love has the potential to be fucked up. There are occurrences of love wherever we may end up strolling throughout the day. It’s an all-encompassing consumption. It takes you to the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. How do you know what love feels like? Is it the way your significant other holds you? Is it a smile from a stranger? Does it happen when you’re dancing around and totally IN the moment?”The above is potentially bullshit.
I’m seeking the impossible. I’m chasing the non-existent. I’m climbing a never-ending mountain. I want to know what love is.
I polled my friends again with “How would you, personally, define love? What people, places, things or experiences assist in you feeling love?”
I got back some more interesting answers. One replied with Haddaway’s “What is Love.” What a joke.
Other replies that stood out for me include:
Love: liking someone to an irrational extreme. When you love someone, you love them all the time. But you may not like them all the time.
Love is eternal hope.
When you’re in love, you know
“You know.” That’s what I’m trying to figure out! How do I KNOW?!
Love is an involuntary emotional reaction based on things such as desire, attraction, proximity, and possibly other sensory stimulants. It’s awesome. It’s awful. It’s an elusive commodity. And apparently we require it to function.
So, I’ll wrap it up with this. I am on a quest for love. Any kind of love. Maybe it’s the Carrie Bradshaw definition of love.
Maybe it’s figuring out how I give love? Or how I receive love? I may spend my whole life trying to figure this out, but I will keep trying.
P.S. Take a stab at my questions on love.
“How would you, personally, define love? What people, places, things or experiences assist in you feeling love?”
You can comment below or Email Me
I think Love is a feeling of ease, of peace, of contentment, of joy. I mean, when I am with my friends, I Love being with them. When I am with my family, I feel this deep appreciation of the love they have always shown me, always. That sense that, when I feel like I am loving another or being loved by others, I am looking for the best in them and they are searching for the best in me til we find the best of one another. It’s that thing that just captures the essence, the essential, the awesome that comes from within and is shared. maybe this is soul to soul, heart to heart, hand to hand. But my friends, who I think Love me, make me believe that there is something in me worthy of their effort, of the choice to try to know me, to be around me, to give and share in time and coffee and drives and experiences with each other. Maybe that’s what I was looking for. Folks who wanted to experience the world, to experience it in a socratic way, in an open hearted way, in an emotional and spiritual way, that was Love to me. I just feel good when I think that those I know, who I believe Love me, do just that. And I am happy to know that I can Love them. And that they trust me. And that they care about what I have to say, even when I say too much. They feel me, and that’s something I appreciate over and over and over again.
<3
This is a wonderful post. A couple of my friends and I refer to ourselves as being dead inside, which basically is that we’re lacking vulnerability. I always thought I was extremely self aware, but this was completely eye opening and revealed deeper issues I might have. To me, showing vulnerability was a sign of weakness; in reality its the complete opposite. I’ve been so dead inside that I didn’t think Carrie’s idea of love would ever be possible. Since my tumultuous 6 year relationship ended, I’ve been extremely reluctant to open myself up to anyone. I’ve just been continuously adding more bricks to my wall, yet at the same time missing that feeling of being able to be completely vulnerable with someone. I guess it’s time to break the cycle.
Ok that’s probably way more than you wanted to know about me! Thanks for your post and I’m stealing that video
Steal away! I want to put this out there as much as possible. I would love to continue the conversation.
Can you describe how love feels?
Someone once told me that you never truly know love until you have a child. I thought this was crazy – plenty of people never have children yet they love tremendously. Plus, I knew it was wrong because I loved my then fiancée now husband. Then I had my little boy and what I thought was loved was thrown out the window harder and faster than I thought possible. My eyes are full of tears right now just writing this because it is making me think of the love I have for my baby. I have spent a lot of time trying to put words to this feeling and the best that I can do is the following:
It’s love when you become completely selfless for the sake of them – when all you want is for them to be happy and safe and you are willing to do anything to ensure that – when just looking at them brings such strong emotions that you actually feel like you are going to burst – when their smile makes everything better.
More simply – loving someone is wanting nothing more than for them to get to feel the way you do towards them in their life.