Have you ever been dumped? Feeling jilted? Me too…very recently. I get it and it sucks. Let’s work through it together though with ways that I’ve found have helped me deal with a heart ripped in two.
- Use the social media horse blinders.
- It’s not shameful; in fact, it’s rather wise. Feel empowered to use the Facebook block and “unfollow” a former beau’s tweets. It’s next to impossible to smoothly transition from a romantic relationship to a friendship. A friendship might be possible later on, but it’s probably best to take time apart in order to heal quickly. Do you really want to see the Instagram photo of your ex’s lunch at that place you went to that one time? Do you want to see a status update saying, “My life is so great and I’m wonderful and everything is perfect now!” I think not. In this case, ignorance can most definitely be bliss.
- Take a break from your life and watch TV.
- Give yourself a day or two or a week and spend some time watching TV. Your life is a little sucky right now, and usually characters on TV aren’t having it that great either. It won’t hurt to get lost in the fictional lives of others for a bit. The standard is Sex and the City, with Carrie Bradshaw trotting around town in her Manolo Blahniks, but perhaps something more violent will do the trick. Try Dexter.
- Ever see the 70s TV special Free to Be You and Me with Marlo Thomas? There is a song called “It’s Alright to Cry” that can’t help but make you feel good while tears stream down your face.
- Force Yourself Into a Social Situation.
- You’ve watched about all the TV you can stomach, but still feeling a little down. Luckily, you have friends that are still leading their lives, and you can join in. The gang is making dinner together tonight? Go take a shower, because frankly you’re smelly, and partake. They’ll be happy to see you.
- Do something you know you can accomplish.
- Start small. Clean your bathroom. Take that huge pile of dry cleaning into the cleaners. Eventually, you’ll be doing things like learning how to say “I curse the day you were born” in Danish (Jeg forbander den dag du blev født. I’m not bitter.) You might even get around to reorganizing your closet or applying for that dream job. It’s all baby steps.
- Go to a hip hop dance class.
- It doesn’t matter if you have two left feet and are deaf, just go. You’ll eventually stop caring that you look like an idiot and become obsessed with twerking your brand new delicious booty after all the exercise. These skills will come in handy to find your next mate. (If you live in the Bay Area, come with me to Allan Frias’ Hip Hop Class at Dance Mission Theater. I will booty pop with you.)
- Make the good/bad list.
- This might be rough at first. Take an afternoon and sit at your favorite coffee shop with your Moleskin and fountain pen, or for the more technically inclined, Evernote open on your MacBook Air. Write down all the things that went well with this past flame. You both liked Cher? You were both don’t care for onions and that made sharing meals much easier at restaurants? They brought you dinner when you were sick in bed? They knew how to do that thing to you to make you giggle uncontrollably? Then, write the bad list. They were constantly late? They weren’t adventurous? They were always grumpy? They didn’t know how to do that thing to you to make you giggle uncontrollably? You’ll find that as time goes on and years go by, you’re getting closer and closer to finding what works best for you in a mate.
- Go on a trip.
- This can be anything from camping for a weekend, or hopping the pond and visiting your friend in London. It’s something to look forward to and plan for, which will definitely help. Not only will this take you out of your everyday routine, but it will help give you new perspective. Bring a few friends and make it an event. Bonus: Take lots of photos and video and make it into a movie set to an uplifting song.
- Change your bed linens/comforter.
- Hear me out; this is huge. You had this person over and they slept in your bed with you, and without stating the obvious, that can be pretty intimate. While buying a brand new bed might not be the most financially wise choice, grabbing a new set of mattress accoutrement won’t break the bank as much. It will feel like a brand new bed that is ready for new possibilities, and eventually, a new lover. Target has some great sheets and pillowcases made from Jersey cotton that are pretty cheap and very soft.
- When you get to the anger phase, watch The First Wives Club.
- This will help facilitate the anger quite nicely. Put on an all white outfit and pop open that bottle of chardonnay.
- Go to a fancy dinner.
- Save up some dollars and go to the new, fancy and trendy restaurant that everyone is talking about. Bring a friend and get dressed up. Everyone likes to feel pretty. Order a nice bottle of wine and get dessert; you’re worth it.
- Eat ice cream.
- Who doesn’t like ice cream? (Sorbet if you’re lactose intolerant.) Let the cold deliciousness wallow around in your mouth and enjoy your life. Again, you’re worth it. (If you live in San Francisco, the ONLY place worth going is Mitchell’s Ice Cream in The Mission. Prove me wrong.)
- Listen to these 4 Songs on repeat and go for a walk.
- This will make you feel like a badass. It’s no surprise that these are all female artists; women do scorned so much better than men. Put on your headphones and sashay down the sidewalk to the beat. You’re a model, baby. Hell, you might even get so motivated you’ll start to run. If it makes you feel better, run to Mitchell’s Ice Cream.
- Give yourself the “by when” dates.
- This part could suck, but be realistic with yourself. You don’t want to rush anything, but you want to have a goal for moving on. Write it down on a piece of paper and stick it on your mirror in your bathroom so you see it constantly. “I will stop being sad about this relationship by _____. I will be ready to date again by _____.” When you have a set date you’re creating a goal for yourself, and who doesn’t like to meet a goal? This will also help in preventing bringing over the emotional baggage from a previous relationship into the next.
Keep your head up. Being a vulnerable human being is rough, but would you have it any other way?
I’ll take all the hugs you want to give me while my heart heals. Bring it on!